OPINION:
Many years ago, I was a rebellious teenager. I might have taken things a little too far—married at 19, divorced at 22, college dropout, dabbled in illegal substances, and generally scared all the normal people around me half to death with my poor choices.
My pastor father and pastor’s wife mother and four Christian siblings were the object of my disdain and sometimes wrath. I stayed as far away from all of them as possible.
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But because the Lord is merciful and kind and doesn’t treat us as our bad choices deserve, after a seven-year journey I met Jesus in graduate school and my (new) husband and I both became Christians. Then, in a story that only God could have planned, my husband who was bartending when I met him, became a pastor.
Fast forward 20 years — we now have four teenagers of our own. And I am trying to remember all that my parents did to live by faith and model faith when I was busy trying to get as far from them as possible.
Because my dad and I decided to write a book about my journey to a far country, parents of teenagers track me down from all over. They have questions: “Are you still a Christian?” and “What did your parents actually do that was helpful?”
The first question is easy to answer. Yes, by God’s grace I am still following Jesus.
The second question is a little harder. But the short answer is that my parents lived by faith and lived out their faith in front of me. This didn’t change my mind right away about them or God, but eventually, God used their faith to bring me back to my senses and turn to Him.
What did that look like in my family?
My troubles grew faith in them. It’s so easy to let someone’s lack of faith affect our faith negatively, isn’t it? We want our children to follow Christ and, when it doesn’t seem like they are, it’s amazing how quickly this can make our own faith waver.
Moses told the Israelites that God led them into the wilderness to “humble you and test you to know what was in your heart” (Deuteronomy 8:2).
Parenting teens can feel like a wilderness, and it is certainly humbling. But what do we do when we notice that there is unbelief, complaining, and frustration in our hearts as we parent? We turn to God and ask for the gift of faith, then we ask for the Spirit so that we can live by faith every day — even in the wilderness.
Watching my parents continue to live out their faith did catch my attention. They were humbled by my struggles. They didn’t think that we were the perfect family, or they were the perfect parents. But I could see that despite their sadness over my choices, they were continuing to follow Jesus. They had a purpose larger than my struggles and that was to share their faith with others.
My dad started a church, then a string of churches, he wrote a book, and he started a mission agency. My mom was his partner in everything. Their faith didn’t fail because of me. It grew because they turned to Jesus. I had never seen anything like it in the world I lived in. It made me think. Growing faith will catch your teenager’s attention. It did mine.
My troubles grew love in them. Like many teenagers, I wasn’t very nice to my parents. I tried to stay as far away from them as possible. I wanted to separate myself from them and what I believed to be their outdated and oppressive moral standards.
But they refused to be rejected. They kept showing up. Wherever I was — there they were.
I remember the day they stopped by for lunch where I was living. At the time a friend of mine was there on work release from prison. My parents came in, greeted everyone, learned everyone’s name, found out everyone’s life story, told some stories of their own of their latest mission trip and all that God had done and then they were on their way.
My friend turned to me and said, “Your father is the biggest piece of work I have ever met.” He meant it as a compliment.
My parents refused to return evil for evil (Romans 12:17). They blessed me even when I was cursing them.
After living with my bartender boyfriend for two years, my father suggested that we should think about marriage. He had never recommended I marry any of my boyfriends, so I was surprised. I was on my way to graduate school and told him I didn’t have time for marriage or a boyfriend who bartended. I was on my way toward making a difference (without the baggage of faith of course). My dad replied, “I think he would make a good pastor.” I was shocked. I had vowed to never marry a pastor and was pretty sure that I was safe.
But your plans are never actually “safe” when God is at work. A few years later, my bartender boyfriend and I were both Christians, graduate school was finished, and he was going to seminary. Today my husband of 43 years has been a pastor for 36 years.
There is no telling what will happen in your home, or with your children, as you live by faith and love by faith. But I am certain in God’s time you will see that the most powerful person in the room is not you or your children. It’s the living God “who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20).
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Barbara Miller Juliani (MA, Stanford, University) is an author, Bible teacher, and Editorial Director at New Growth Press. She is a contributor to the CSB Life Counsel Bible, which features over 150 articles from expert contributors to help the weary world rejoice by equipping readers to apply biblical principles and counsel to everyday life. Learn more or purchase your copy of the CSB Life Counsel Bible.
